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7:59pm on Thursday, 22nd November, 2018:



I went to a Subway for lunch.

The person in front of me in the queue asked for a six-foot sandwich. The server asked if he meant six inches. He said no, he meant a foot.

The person after me in the queue asked for a metre sandwich. The server asked if he wanted six inches or a foot. He said he wanted a six-inch metre. When asked to explain what he meant, he said he wanted a six-inch sandwich with meat in: a meater.

My own sandwich was more like five inches long, but so bad that I was actually glad it wasn't full length. I think the ham in it might have been turkey, as everything else that was made from pig was turkey (turkey sausages, turkey bacon, turkey turkey — it was run by a Muslim family). I don't like turkey, and no amount of Caesar's dressing could disguise the fact. It was probably Halal turkey, too, not that this fact would be distinguishable in a blind taste test.

Afterwards, I went to Costa a bought a gingerbread latte that cost more than the Subway sandwich.

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Copyright © 2018 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).