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3:17pm on Tuesday, 29th March, 2016:

White Beard


I haven't shaved for the past few days, because my electric razor wakes people up in the morning (especially me) so unless I get up last I give shaving a miss. This means that I inadvertently managed to grow some facial hair.

Now although the hair on my scalp is getting whiter, there's still plenty of brown in there. It's the same with the hair on my chin. You might expect, then, that if I did grow a beard it would come out salt-and-pepper.

You'd be wrong.

It comes out white. White. Yes, there are plenty of darker hairs in there, but the white ones grow faster and grow thicker and completely crowd out the non-white ones. I suppose the darker ones could catch up and make their presence known after a trim, but not on the evidence of a few days. If I were to let nature take its course, by December I'd be in a position to hand out presents under a Christmas tree.

Actually, I probably wouldn't, as not much grows below my cheeks. I'd have to cultivate some kind of Van Dyke or goatee, which could make me look more suave but at the cost of having people treat me as if I might be a murderer.

I had a moustache in my youth, and still feel as if I ought to have one. If my wife dies before me, maybe I'll grow it back (after I've put the toilet rolls the right way round and put up bedroom curtains that keep out daylight, which are my first priorities in that event).

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Copyright © 2016 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).