The doctor said it wasn't, it was clearly viral, and would go away of its own accord after between ten and fourteen days of conracting it. I caught it ten or eleven days ago, so only have to endure it for a short while longer.
Still, to placate me, the doctor offered me a sputum test. I hoik up into a jar, they send it off to some biohazard establishment where tests are run to see if there are bacteria present. If there are, the d0c will be able to prescribe the exact antibiotic that will kill the cough. I expect it'll take longer to do that than for my immune system to do what I pay it to do, but you never know.
As for when to spit into the bottle, the conversation went something like this:
Doc: Use the first cough of the morning.
Me: When's that? 1am? 2am? 3am?
Doc: The first one when you wake up.
Me: They all wake me up!
Doc: The first one after you get dressed then.
Doctors don't seem to like patients who want ANSWERS and they want them NOW no matter how RELEVANT their questions are.
The best thing, though, is that the little jar condemn to holding whatever sputum results describes it as "epic".
I have epic sputum! Cool!
Judging by what I put into it, it "epic" is a fair descripition, too, but I won't show you that because it's disgusting.
I redacted a part of the photo so you'll suspect it might have had the name of the US president there.