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2:15pm on Tuesday, 3rd June, 2008:
No sooner does one piece of comedy spam arrive than I get another:
>From The Desk Of George C. Weislaw [His desk is sending me messages?]
Contractor , Chevron Oil Corporation
London , UK. [Ah, that London]
Email:firstname.lastname@example.org [Because of course Chevron's London contractors would have a Chinese language web site]
My Dear Friend,[Aww shucks, you silvery-tongued devil, you...]
I'm Writing you based on the solid information I gathered about you from UK email database. [These people don't write, they Write.]
Please don't be surprised that I 'm writing you. [No, but I'm surprised that you claim to be English yet you use the American practice of saying "writing you" rather than the British one of "writing to you"]
Because your email and contacts are in the database mentioned above, [Ha! I don't wear contacts! Some database that is!]
perhaps my reason for contacting you is this: [Or perhaps it's to try defrauding me of some money?]
My Name is George C. Weislaw and I 'm a Contractor to Chevron Oil UK Ltd. , [Obviously quite a big shot, or you'd have time to remove those spurious spaces between punctuation marks]
a multi national corporation operating in London UK. [This would be the Chevron Oil UK that, when I put it into Google, came up with all of 57 matches?]
Am seeking your assistance to transfer the sum of Thirty Two million Great Britian Pounds Dollars(GBP:32,000,000) into an overseas account , [Now you have my interest: those Pounds Dollars are really strong on the currency markets at the moment!]
maybe in your country or any other country you deem fit and suitable. [My country being the one you claim to be living in?]
This Money was realized in the just completed contract awarded to our company by the English Government [England doesn't actually have a government, of course...]
here in England. [...although if it did, this is indeed where it would be]
I want to secretly move this money out of England [You split an infinitive! Come on, fess up: you're not really English, are you?]
for my private investment in Real Estate. [Oh, OK, so long as I know you want to invest that £$32,000,000 and not simply steal it]
My Reason for this is not far fetched , as I 'm a victim of Racism and segregation [Capitalising words that begin with the letter R makes this so much more believable]
in the company I have been working selflessly for the past 7 years. [You've been a contractor for 7 years?!]
I have been cheated out of my entitlements for so long simply because I 'm not an indigene. [Because American companies like Chevron that set up in the UK make sure they favour indigenes?]
Am promising to give you 30% share of this money while 60% will be mine, 10% will be for any kind of expenses you might incur during the cause of the transaction. [The cause of the transaction is your attempted fraud...]
Please I need your urgent response to this mail before my plans to leave London is discovered . [Yes, I can sense the urgency by the way your grammar is falling apart]
For now the safest means of correspondence is via my private email: [I think blogging it is probably safer, at least for me...]
(email@example.com) [Not firstname.lastname@example.org, like it says in the email header?]
this is because I wouldn't want our discussion to be tapped by anyone, [I fully understand, and sending three copies of this email to different addresses I own is a good way of achieving that]
you can me with number above. [I'll can you if you like, just show me the canning machine]
Send me Your Full Names/Address [You want all my full names?]
and Telephone. [No, you can't have my telephone, I need it]
Upon the receipt of your reply, I would send you more details about the transaction. [Not if you read it you wouldn't...]
George C. Weislaw
Chevron Oil Corporation,
Hmm, maybe George should have bought that copy of 417 Scams for Dummies first?
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Copyright © 2008 Richard Bartle (email@example.com).