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1:37pm on Thursday, 17th August, 2006:

Staple Diet

Anecdote

Once, when I was eating lunch at the Hexagon Restaurant at the University of Essex, one of my colleagues, with whom I was dining, suddenly found a staple in his mashed potato. He took it back to complain, and came back rather bemused. "They said they don't use staples", he told us.

A few years earlier, another friend of mine had been eating lunch at the Hexagon Restaurant at the University of Essex when a look of alarm came across his face. From his mouth, he withdrew an elastic band which had been concealed in the sponge pudding and custard he was consuming. He took it back to complain, and came back rather bemused. "They said they don't use elastic bands", he told us.

They closed what we called "the Hex" several years ago, as the kitchen was tiny and all the food had to be sent up to the serving area using a single dumb waiter. Its function was transferred to the Square 3 Restaurant in a full-blown catering review. Nevertheless, I'm confident that if I were ticking into lunch and found a screw in among my chips, the response to my complain would be, "We don't use screws".

Given that this is a place where I've seen students put chocolate sauce on their roast beef in the belief that it's gravy and been unable to tell the difference, I'm guessing they don't use recipe books, either.


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Copyright © 2006 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).