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8:21am on Wednesday, 16th November, 2005:

Australian Shampoo


When I was in Australia last year, I bought some shampoo.

I don't normally bother taking shampoo with me when I go on a trip, I just use whatever the hotel provides (even if it does smell so much like chrysanthemum or edelweiss that it attracts bees). However, the Australian guest house I was staying in didn't have any shampoo, so I bought some. It had spiders the size of a baby's claw, but no shampoo.

The shampoo I bought was a regular, household brand we have in the UK, VO5. i bought it precisely because I recognised the name, so knew I wouldn't end up with kangaroo hair or wombat hair or something.


It had the same name, but it wasn't quite the same formulation: somehow, it had been Ozified.

I didn't notice this in Australia. In Australia, it worked just fine. I brought it home with me to use as back-up when I ran out of normal shampoo unexpectedly.

Well, I never ran out of normal shampoo unexpectedly, so I decided that rather than waste my VO5 I should just use it up.

Man, that has to be the most potent shampoo I've ever used! It removes all traces of moisture from the hair. Ozified? It's more like ossified! My hair has turned into a greae-free but bone-dry, brittle, wiry tangle. All attempts to run a comb through it are completely ignored — it springs back to its own primeval forest shape the moment I stop. Water, dirt and (in experiments on a tuft I cut off) household bleach are completely repelled. My hair has never been cleaner, but I have the permanent look of someone who has just woken up from a night's restless sleep in a ditch.

I knew Aussies were tough, but blimey, if they put this on their hair the whole time then they're even tougher than I thought. If I hadn't returned home after a week, I would have been bald within a month.

Back to Wash & Go, I think.

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Copyright © 2005 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).