The everyday blog of Richard Bartle.

10:02am on Tuesday, 5th April, 2005:

The Empress's New Clothes


For some reason or other, today's issue of The Independent did not make it to our house, and The Times was delivered instead. The centre spread of the T2 section was devoted to floral print blouses. "The arrival of spring makes a floral blouse ideal, but let your figure dictate the look".

Women's clothing is a source of endless bemusement to me. Here are three blouses from The Times's article. One is for "If your problem area is LARGE BUST", one is for "If your problem area is SMALL BUST" and one is for "If your problem area is BIG STOMACH":

I have to say, if I didn't have the newspaper in front of me I wouldn't have the faintest clue which might be for which. The accompanying logic doesn't make it much clearer: "The light, spriggy print does not emphasise a large bust, unlike a bold print"; "Look for a high neck. Button a shirt to the very top. A small bust will look elegant and streamlined underneath"; "Seek out ruched detailing. The creases created by the ruching disguise any folds in the fabric that the stomach may cause".

Hmm, so if I see a woman wearing ruched detailing, I now know that she's fat but is trying to trick me into thinking she isn't (or at least that would be the case if I knew what ruched detailing was).

It amazes me that people give so much thought to their appearance on such slender grounds.

Oh, if you want to know which blouse is for which problem area, click here.

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Copyright © 2005 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).