Book 1/3 of Matters Dheghōm.
Fiction
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The BlurbA man dies, but wakes up alive. Beings with impossible powers fight petty battles among themselves. An ancient organisation struggles to redefine its purpose. A prehistoric bowl is stolen from an Eastern European warehouse. Fragments of evidence paint a chilling picture of our tenuous existence. The fate of reality is bound to that of a young poet. Extract: BananasVeronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Just came across a banana in the lab with “THROW ME AT WALL” scratched onto it (the banana, not the lab). I’m gonna throw it cos then I get to throw a banana at a wall. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h I threw it at the wall and it disappeared (the banana, not the wall). That doesn’t normally happen when I throw bananas at walls. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h OK, so this is weird. Two more bananas just came flying out of nowhere. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h One has “WAIT” scratched on it and the other has “DON’T BE SPOOKED”. You’re asking a lot, bananas: I’m impatient and already spooked. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h So a cucumber has appeared. More correctly, around half a cucumber has appeared. It has no support, nothing in front, nothing behind, it just floats. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h It’s nodding as if someone wants me to grab it. I will not grab it. I will look for the hidden cameras placed by whoever is pranking me. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Cucumber gone. Damn, I didn’t check the cucumber itself for a camera. I should have checked the cucumber. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Cucumber back. It’s waving at chest height. This time, it has “HOLD ME” scratched onto it. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h So I held it, and it was as if someone else was holding the other end (someone taller than me). They raised and lowered it like they were shaking my hand. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h This is seriously freaky. Go back, cucumber! Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Well there has been a development. A line of 30 half-bananas has appeared stretching right across the floor of the lab. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h One banana is blank, the rest have letters scratched on their skins: A-Z in order, plus YES, NO and OVER. The cucumber reappeared over the H, then the I, then the OVER. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Oh. Now a cucumber has been tossed into the lab from whatever extra-dimensional space I’m meant to think is out there. OK, I’ll play along. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h I thought long and hard about what I should reply, and finally went with HI. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h The banana person replied: AWESOME PLEASE VIDEO THIS. Yeah, well see, if I do that I can’t tweet. I’m gonna lie: SURE. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WE ARE MIT STUCK IN A POCKET UNIVERSE. Oh, is this a scam? You need me to wire you some money to help you get out? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h SINCE WHEN. They should have introduced some punctuation bananas. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Oh, now that’s nice. They pulled back the bananas and put out some different ones with numbers scratched on them. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h I think the bananas must be nailed to a plank on the other side, the sets come and go together. The cucumber replied 2018 then the letters returned all at once. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Me: U MISSED THE PANDEMIC. Lucky banana people. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Them: WHAT YEAR IS IT FOR YOU (switch to number bananas) Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Me: 2020 Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Them: 2020 Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Me: 2020. What is this, 2020 tennis? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Pause. (Switch to letter bananas) HERE IT IS (number bananas) 2051 (letter bananas). Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Maybe I’ll stop mentioning when the banana racks switch. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WHO R U. I like to know whom I’m dealing with in my banana-moderated communications. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h DAVE AND BECKY WE WERE BORN HERE WHO ARE YOU Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h VERONICA CALL ME FIZ Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h ARE YOU VERONICA WAY Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Oh is this where I get the prank reveal? THATS ME Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WE KNOW FIZ BECKY WILL GO GET HER. Whuh? They’re going to have someone pretend to be me while talking to me? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h SO YR MIT IS A COPY OF OUR MIT AS OF TWO YEARS AGO. That seems to be the premise of this jape. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h LOOKS THAT WAY OUR TIME MUST GO FASTER THAN YOURS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h ITS NOT GOING FASTER NOW. Ha! Gotcha! Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h THE BANANAS MAYBE LOCK US TOGETHER. Yeah, cos of course they would. Bananas are time magic. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WHY BANANAS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h OUR FOOD CAN CROSS THE BARRIER DO U KNOW CHRIS EAGLE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h NO Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WE SENT HIM YESTERDAY THEN HAD THIS IDEA YOU ARE ONLY PERSON TO REPLY Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h So I wasn’t targeted? I feel so unspecial! HOW MANY PEOPLE DID U ASK Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h WE SENT TWENTY BAIT BANANAS WHY ONLY YOU REPLY Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC PEOPLE NOT ON CAMPUS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h HERE IS FIZ ILL GIVE HER POINTER. There’s a pause. I’m not going to engage in idle cucumber-wielding chit-chat to fill in the time. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h The next message is HI ME IT WAS BLUE. Sooo that’s chilling. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h I was gonna ask her to prove she was me by telling me the colour of the Christmas decoration I broke in Macy’s when I was 7 and kept silent about. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h No-one knows anything about it except me. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h It was blue. I AM GRADUALLY CONCLUDING THAT THIS MAY NOT BE A JOKE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h NO JOKE WEVE BEEN LIVING IN A CUBIC KM FOR THREE PLUS DECADES DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED IT JUST DID HOWS CAZ Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Caz is my – our – younger sister, Caroline. SHES FINE CAUGHT THE VIRUS BUT IT ONLY KILLS OLD PEOPLE MOM DAD ALSO FINE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h THATS COMFORTING I AM OLDER THAN DAD NOW HA HA I GOT THE PHD BTW AM NOW DR FIZ Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME HINTS ON THE SECOND EXP Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h LATER HEY U ARENT FILMING THIS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h TWEETING IT Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h THOUGHT SO FILMING IS BETTER SO PEOPLE CAN SEE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h R U IN A RUSH Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h GOTTA STOP WELL BEFORE MIDNIGHT Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h ITS TEN AM HERE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h ELEVEN FORTY PM HERE WILL NEED TO WITHDRAW BANANAS NOW THEN EAT THEM Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h YOURE GONNA EAT ALL THOSE BANANAS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h YES AND THE CUCUMBERS THEY REGENERATE AT MIDNIGHT WE R BEING EXPERIMENTED ON Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h BY WHOM Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h NO IDEA PLS THROW BACK CUCUMBER STAY AROUND WILL REPEAT TOMORROW Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h OK WILL BRING A CAMERA TOO Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h U BETTER Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Well the bananas have gone now. No-one has burst into the lab crying with laughter at fooling me. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 3h Maybe I really did just have a conversation with 55-year-old me through the medium of a banana-based Ouija board. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h The bananas have reappeared, with some modifications: numbers are part of the strip now and there’s a question mark. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h I would have liked an apostrophe but am not so OCD that I can’t live without one. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h I wasn’t expecting reconnection so soon but I guess an hour after 23:40 is “tomorrow” so I shouldn’t be surprised. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h I don’t have a camera but will take some shorts in between tweets. Now gimme my cucumber! Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h The banananet is operational once more with a new message. HI ITS DR FIZ HERE R U THERE NOTDR FIZ? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h HI NOTYOUNG FIZ ITS YOUNG FIZ HERE. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h R U RECORDING THIS? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h JUST ABOUT 2 Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h SAY WHEN Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WHEN. Cucumber+bananas=communication! Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h I’ve videoed this sequence, will upload it later. It’s long, I’ll break the text into parts. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 1/11 OK SO THERE HAS BEEN A DEVELOPMENT V BAD 4 US GOODISH 4 U Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 2/11 WE RECEIVED A VISIT FROM OUR EXPERIMENTERS THEY SAY THEY R FROM BAHAY WAW NAWM Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 3/11 THEY R GONNA CLOSE US DOWN WE R QUITE UPSET ABOUT IT Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 4/11 WE SENT 1 OF THEIR PROBES FROM POCKET UNIVERSE TO REAL UNIVERSE AND THEY NOTICED Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 5/11 THEY FOUND THE OTHER 19 BAIT BANANAS 2 THEY R IMPRESSED THEY THINK WE R SMART Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 6/11 THEY GONNA LET REAL UNIVERSE CONTINUE SO U OVERTAKE THEIR TECH Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 7/11 WE RUN AT FULL SPEED U RUN SLOWER THEY RUN EVEN SLOWER BUT TIMES LOCK WHILE BOUNDARIES R CROSSED Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 8/11 THEYLL MAINTAIN YR CURRENT SPEED 4 200 YEARS 1 OF THEIR MONTHS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 9/11 UNLESS SOME WOMAN IN EUROPE IS KILLED WE DONT KNOW HER NAME Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 10/11 THEY CANT FORK THE WHOLE UNIVERSE LIKE THEY DID OUR CUBE THEY DON’T HAVE THE RESOURCES SO MUCH 4 OMNIPOTENT GODS HA HA Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h 11/11 REPRIEVE 4 U THEN BUT WORLD ENDING 4 US U GET ALL THAT? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h YES ON VIDEO SORRY 4 PAUSE WAS TWEETING IT HOW LONG DO U HAVE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h UNTIL MIDNIGHT WE THINK SO THATS 2 HRS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h HERE ITS ONLY 1 HR SINCE YR LAST CALL Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h V INTERESTING FIZ BUT OUR WORLD IS ENDING U GOTTA TELL YR WORLD U COULD GO 2 IN 200 YEARS MAYBE SOONER IF THE ENGLISH GAL DOESN’T LIVE THAT LONG Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h IS THERE NOTHING WE CAN DO 2 SAVE U? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WE DON’T THINK SO ITS LIKE THEYRE SWITCHING OFF OUR SERVER WE GOT AN END OF THE WORLD PARTY GOING ON Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WHO ARE THESE EXPERIMENTERS? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h THEYRE LIKE US BUT A BIT DIMMER THEYRE NOT EVIL THEYRE THE GODS OF OUR UNIVERSE AND YRS Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WHAT SUGGESTS THEYRE DIMMER? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h THEIR PROBE WAS A TOTAL JOKE Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WHAT SUGGESTS NOT EVIL? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h THEY TOLD US THEIR PLANS 2 BE NICE TO US BUT HA HA DIDN’T FIGURE WE CAN TALK 2 YOU COS THEYRE DIM Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h OK U GOING TO PARTY? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h ID RATHER TALK TO U Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 2h WHAT ABOUT Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h I haven’t tweeted what Dr Fiz told me because I’m going to patent some of it. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h Also she may or may not have explained how to save myself three months of work on the PhD (I’m not gonna risk a charge of self-plagiarism). Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h I gotta say I grew quite fond of her. I was telling her I’d miss her when her clock struck twelve and I was left holding a cucumber with a line of half bananas on the floor. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h If what she said is true we’re gonna to have to figure out how to negotiate with the universe’s gods. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h That’s gods, not God. I can’t see that getting through congress easily. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h We can spot them though. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h One of them swigged a potion and left the bottle behind. Someone in the cube ran a spectral analysis of the liquid. Dr Fiz gave me the formula. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h She said if you drink it you can see labels above people’s heads like in a video game. Gods use it to tell us apart. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h Therefore, if someone has no label, they’re a god? Or if they have a different kind of label? Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h WTF?! My recording is corrupted! How did that happen? I already watched it once, it was fine. Well that sucks. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h Still got the tweets and the paper I wrote the messages down on as they came in. Veronica Way @fizzyphysix · 1h Anyone out there want to have a go at extracting the data from my MP4 file? Where you can Get itDheghōm is available in print and Kindle format from Amazon.co.uk,
Amazon.com and other Amazon stores. A free electronic version in .pdf format is available here. Jacket
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